Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters had been on my tbr for quite some time, so I decided to kick off the year with it. Covid quarantine offered plenty of time for reading, and I honestly read almost this entire book in one day. Though it was definitely able to hold my attention, I didn’t really enjoy this book all that much. With that said, I do think it will stick with me for quite some time.
The story follows three characters- Reese, a trans woman trying to navigate dating, Ames, a former trans-woman who has transitioned back to a man, and Katrina, Ames’ boss and girlfriend who is pregnant with his child. Ames and Reese used to be in a relationship, and still keep in touch from time to time.
All Reese has ever wanted is to be a mother. She grapples with expectations on trans women and with proving to others, and especially herself, that she deserves to be a mother. Everyday the reminder that she cannot bear a child herself tears her apart.
“The moms I knew when I was little didn't have to prove that it was okay to want a child. Sure, a lot of women I know wonder if they do want a child, but not why. It's assumed why. The question cis women get asked is: Why don't you want kids? And then they have to justify that. If I had been born cis, I would never even have had to answer these questions. I wouldn't have had to prove that I deserve my models of womanhood. But I'm not cis. I'm trans. And so until the day that I am a mother, I'm constantly going to have to prove that I deserve to be one.”
The commentary on motherhood in Detransition, Baby was beautiful and haunting. It talked about the role of the mother in the trans community in a way that I had never seen before. It was both somber and elegant, joyful and tragic.
This book tackled difficult and “taboo” topics with grace. It was raw and real and didn’t apologize for it. It was intensely charged and also comforting, at times. Peters did a wonderful job letting us into the characters’ minds. I enjoyed that the point of view switched between the two of them, and that there were flashbacks to eight years prior when Amy (Ames’ name before detransitioning) Reese were together.
And then after years of Reese’s longing to be a mom, Ames is suddenly put in this position of fatherhood he wasn’t quite sure he even wanted. And he definitely wasn’t ready for. It all happens very fast, but Ames comes up with the idea to ask Reese if she wants to co-parent his child with Katrina. Before asking Katrina. I struggled a lot with this plotline because I felt like it was just so unrealistic. The idea that Katrina would pretty much blindly agree to co-parent her child with her boyfriend’s ex that she has never met is preposterous. And it all happened so quickly. You would think for such a life-changing decision, more thought would have been put into it. Despite this flawed plotline (of course this is just my opinion), I did find this book to be touching in many ways. Reading these experiences of transgender individuals as a cis woman was so eye-opening. We need more literature like Detransition, Baby- trans books written for trans audiences. To be able to be a part of it is a privilege.
The biggest takeaway that I had from this book was that gender is really in the eye of the beholder, and it always will be until society itself changes. This became evident in Ames’ battle with his own gender identity. In the end, he did not really feel like a man or a woman- just that he knew how the world treated trans women and was fed up with it. It was also clear in Reese’s longing to be a mother, and society’s continued questioning of it. No matter what, she would never be treated the same as cis women are. And she had to live with that.
“She knew that no matter how you self-identify ultimately, chances are that you succumb to becoming what the world treats you as.”
Rating: 4. 5 stars
xx, Lauren