“I was reminded that having extra needs does not make you too difficult, too time consuming, but worthy of compassion, of love.”
TW: sexual assault, violence, mental illness
Know My Name by Chanel Miller is one of the most powerful books I have ever read. Miller’s story is one of survival, bravery, and perseverance. She is my hero.
I listened to this book on audio, and I highly recommend going that route as Miller narrates it herself. Hearing her story told in her own voice was absolutely heartbreaking, but somehow her writing was empowering through the pain.
Miller’s experience reveals the pain and re-victimization that comes with pressing charges as a survivor of sexual assault in America. Annually, countless survivors decide not to press charges because of how rigged and brutal the court system is toward survivors- Miller’s court proceedings show that she was no exception. Her story amplifies the issues in our court system and reiterate a desperate need for judges to start believing survivors.
It was so hard to listen to how she was treated in court, and by the public in general. Though Miller used the pseudonym “Emily Doe” throughout the trial, anonymous commenters made it clear that if they knew who she was, they would not support her. She was blamed for her assault, blamed for being drunk, blamed for “ruining” Brock Turner’s life. It was disgusting to hear them talk about Brock in court- about his swimming scholarship, extracurriculars, and how great of a kid he was. Meanwhile, no one cared at all that Chanel was a college graduate with a full-time job, loving family, and many passions. No one cared that she made beautiful art, was the best big sister, and did everything to help her family and make them proud. They just cared that she was drunk that night and therefore probably “asking for it”.
Even though I am part of a sexual violence prevention and education group on my campus and talk about these topics often, Miller’s retelling of her time in court was shocking and appalling.
The book isn’t only about her assault, though. In fact, a large part of it is about Miller’s healing. Over the course of the four years it took for her case to finally close, Chanel could have sunk. But instead she swam. I so look up to Chanel for how she decided to pick herself up and dust herself off, getting back into her passions and trying new things all the while working through crippling PTSD and depression from the assault. How she was able to do it, I will never know.
One of my favorite parts of the book was when she got to perform in her first comedy show. I was overwhelmed with joy for her. I felt the same as she began fostering pups and eventually adopted one of her own.
At the end of the book, Miller reads her closing statement to Brock Turner from court. It is chilling and compelling, angering and relieving. The fact that Brock Turner only spent three months in state prison for what he did is sickening at the very least. Hearing Miller’s story and how she overcame it was nothing short of moving. Her resilience is something that I will always admire, and I felt relief for her when the court process was finally over. It was amazing seeing her regain her power with her statement and later on this book.
I worried about writing this review because I don’t know how anything I write could possible do Chanel Miller justice. She is such a role model- this is clear in how she cared for her sister throughout everything, tried to protect her parents, loved her boyfriend, and picked herself back up after her assault tried to knock her down. I am in awe of how she handled herself in court- I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been. I am proud of her for going to art school in a new city, for joining a comedy group, for asking for help, and most of all for not giving up.
What she did in that courtroom and in writing this book took a huge step forward for survivors of sexual assault and violence. She changed the game for survivors and brought an issue to light that has been on the back burner for far too long.
Rating: 5/5 stars.
Believe survivors.
xx, Lauren
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